"It's funny how you go somewhere with nothing and come back with so much more than you left."

It was the summer before my sophomore year in high school. I was away at a college in New York for four days at a writing camp I had applied for and got accepted to. About three days after I arrived, I got a call from my coach saying my friend had lost her mom suddenly. From that moment I did everything I could to find a way to get home. In the car with my grandparents on the way home I did the only thing that made sense to me; I wrote her a poem.


This Wall

Don't you understand?
You try to compare her so you can better understand.
You do not understand and you cannot.
I will not compare her,
for she is beautiful.
Watch.
Pictures are being painted.
Painted by numb fingers as they rise to wipe silent tears.
I will hang your pictures on the wall.
The wall we built when we could no longer take the pain.
No, don't try to climb the wall.
It will crumble on its own.
It will age with time,
and the memories will fade.
Do you see those cracks?
You're getting stronger
and it's getting weaker.
When will they see that I cannot compare you?
I cannot compare you;
for you are beautiful.
Don't listen to him.
This is not the end.
There is no point where we stop going on.
We're walking down a path lit by angels.
They're all around,
do you see them?
As long as you don't walk away they will never leave.
Take my hand,
I am blind without it.
Please do not let go.
Will you open your eyes?
Can't you see now that I cannot compare her?
I cannot compare her;
for she is all I have that is beautiful.

"Alot has happened but nothings changed"

Its been two weeks, and it's time to go home. They waited a year to see each other and their time together is up. The girl stands outside on the sidewalk as the boy pulls up. He lives there, but she can't stay. She has to begin her life, start college and leave everything behind her. He knows how the process goes, but he can't seem to perform the motions. They say goodbye, and he closes her car door with a simple "I'll be seeing you." The two part ways, and she drives back, playing the memories over in her head.

They have both started their lives at college. It's been a month since they've seen each other. The boy checks his mailbox like any other day, finding a handwritten letter with no return address. He holds the letter, imagining her voice as he reads it.

Dear Zach
How are you? Is your apartment everything you wished for and more? I'm loving college. I should not have believed you when you said freshman year is an easy work load-it's definitely not. I asked my mom about going to Michigan at Christmas and she said it depends on when I get my tonsils out. Loser. Every time I hear dubstep I think of us driving around the state of Michigan trying to find a white castle. I can picture your laugh and backwards hat so perfectly. You always said I looked nice when we first saw each other. "Dubbed best knight ever." I wish I could go back to that. There was no such thing as the future. College was a world away and the only thing I had to worry about was the sound of my car coming down the driveway at 5a.m. We were always together for the sunrise but we were always thinking about it too much to ever watch it go up. I don't think we'll ever be back there again-sneaking around your house, driving through Milford, visiting your grandma's house, searching for working gas stations. We'll never be there again, but we'll always be there to me.
I miss you.

Life left to go

I got home for fall free days two days ago (wed.). My friend jer told me he was going to see galen yesterday, and i thought i would really like to go. Galen has been in the hospital for 10 months ever since he got hit by a car, and things went from bad to worse in the hospital. He's about 65 years old.
I brought my book, crazy love because i knew he couldn't speak well. I knew i had seen it in a movie before where somebody read to someone but they couldn't talk. I can't remember which one it was. I asked my mom what i was like because she had gone before. She said it was intense. I didn't really know what that meant. I left the house and started driving.
I parked outside and met jer when i went in. We hugged in the elevator, and i asked him how galen is doing. He told me he'd be excited to see me, so that made me feel a lot more at ease. We walked off the elevator and down the hall towards galen's room. A woman yelled at us to get her some food and everyone laughed, so we did too.
I walked into galen's room and barely recognized him. They told me to put gloves on so i did. I went over to his side and held his hand and gave him a hug. He had no teeth, and whispered to me that my hair looked pretty. I said hi to the boys and we started talking, barely acknowledging where we were or what we were doing here. I finally got my book out of my bag, and asked galen if i could read him some of my book. He nodded yes, and i pick a random section. The author talked about how he could never relate to god because of the situation he had with his own dad. But when he became a father everything changed for him. The author talked about what it was like when he had his oldest daughter, and how much he loved her. I was glad because i was thinking about angela and ms. vickie, and i knew he was thinking about them too. He told me he liked my book, and i kept reading. The room was so hot.
The boys decided it was time to go, so they said goodbye and left the room and i told them i'd meet them. I went over to him, took off my gloves and held his hand and asked if i could pray for him. I prayed god would be with him, and that galen would always know god is right there. "Ye though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death we will fear no evil for god is with us." I said a little more, and closed with amen. He opened his eyes, and started gasping. He was crying, and i held his hand and rubbed his arm. He slowly, so slowly moved my hand up to his mouth and kissed my hand. I told him it was so great to see him and that i loved him, and hopefully i would see him again soon.
It was hard for me to type those last words.
I walked out of the room, and got ready to leave with the boys in the hall. I stepped back in to say goodbye, and i saw him wiping tears from his face. I waved goodbye and walked out, as tears filled up my eyes as we stepped on the elevator. Like I said to my mom, God is so good.
It feels like everything in life wants you to have a hard heart, that if you feel everything it will be almost too much. I think God wants us to feel everything, but when he's by our side we feel it a different way. I felt this a different way, and wasn't angry or upset when i left the hospital. I felt comforted and loved, and more overwhelmed that God was with me than ever before.

Gianna Jessen

Abortion Survivor, Gianna Jessen talks about what life was like for her after learning of her birth process. Unlike the millions of people today who can recount the hospital they were born in, how they got their name, and who was present, Gianna's story is much different. She was supposed to be born dead. Rather than coming into the world to a place that produces life, she was rushed to a hospital, a place that saves the ill or dying. Her story is a heartwarming one. She talks humbly and fearlessly about her life and the forgiveness she has experienced because of the chance she was given for life.

"If we don't know if the unborn is alive, why take the risk? If it's not alive, then why is an abortion necessary?" - Allison Martinez

Click Happy

My friend and I were discussing interests, and he asked me if I had ever heard of 'stumble.' I was completely confused and asked how you stumble. I got home, went to google, typed in stumble and next thing I knew i was analyzing myself from top to bottom and all my likes and dislikes.
There were things from art, to cooking, to video games, to jokes, to quotes, to clothes, to travel, and anything else you have ever caught yourself wondering about. They had it all. So ever since I created my stumble, all I have to do is click a little button on my internet browser and I'm brought to a website that is matched specifically to my interests. I can say if I like it, or don't like it. And if I do like it, it saves so I can go there whenever I like. I rarely find myself clicking the dislike button.
I would advise everybody to stumble upon their interests, excuse the pun ;)

Also, I've included some of my favorite websites that I've discovered.
If you like splatter paint and colors, or photography. How about timezones (it's not what you think), and of course quotes. Enjoy!

99 Balloons

"God gives. God takes. God's name be ever blessed."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th6Njr-qkq0


I was "working" in the library with my friends Emmy, Becca and Annie, when we started playing our favorite songs. I played a song by Plumb entitled 'In My Arms' and told them that the artist wrote it for her son. Emmy is commonly referred to as mine and Annie's daughter, and we looked at her in wonderment laughing at how big she's gotten. Annie turned serious and said she can't believe we'll all have actual children over our own, and the day will come where they won't want us. We each talked about how we can clearly remember trying to avoid our parents, and not realizing how much it must have hurt them. Emmy told me and Annie she would never do that to us, being our child and all. We laughed, but I couldn't help imagine my mom and how perfect and wonderful she is to me now. I imagined her driving away after dropping me off on my first day of high school with tears in her eyes after I slammed the door in her face.
Annie directed me to 99 Balloons, saying it would be something I could analyze for my blog post. I had never heard of it and her ideas are usually pretty solid so I figured I'd look. As i began watching I could immediately distinguish the joy in the narrator's voice. But as the video continued I started to realize this wasn't only a video of new life, but of great loss.
The dad begins by talking about the arrival of his son, and of the disease that will follow his birth. He talks about the tragedy as if it is common in every birth, with no tone of anger or disappointment in his voice. A few weeks later, their son is born and given the name Eliot. He is connected to tubes and will be for the remainder of his life. Feeding is done throughout the day and night, and the dad talks about how it is his and his wife's favorite thing to do. Whether it be at 4p.m. or 3a.m. they find no greater joy than taking care of their son and meeting his every need. Each day of his life is celebrated by dear friends and family, they sing and make a cake for Eliot to commemorate the event. As day 99 of Eliot's life approaches, the dad talks about the miracle of his son still being alive. On day 99, Eliot goes home to be with Jesus, bringing an end to his short time on earth.
99 balloons are released at Eliot's funeral. The video ends with the dad saying goodbye to his son, as if this was a conversation. I found myself asking how the father was able to accept the death of his only child without asking why. He realized from the beginning that his son's life was not meant to reflect pain. Eliot was giving more by living 99 days than most of do in living 99 years. His short life on earth was a gift, and his dad knew he was blessed to receive him.
I experience tragedy, but the interpretation of its meaning is sourced in how i feel about it. Why did this happen (to me)? How will this change life (for me)? What will the future be like (for me)? How would it look if i took myself out of the situation, and changed the end of the previous sentences to focus around someone besides myself? I think I would be making a greater impact by living my life like Eliot. one day at a time. Living as if today was my last, remembering that God gives, God takes, and His name will ever be blessed- Job 1:21.