"Longing to hold together a heart that has not been fully broken, he searches for a tear, and finds nothing"

My two friends and I wanted to write a book and change the world. We each had a section, one was photography, one was drawing, and one was writing. I was the writing section. In this book we would open up the eyes of those striving for life and show them what they had to offer. Although this book didn't make it as far as we would have liked, it so strongly illustrates how i view writing, and how much it has meant to me. This is the first part of our book entitled, Desperate Dreams of the Undefined.

Take everything and describe it into words and make those words the very thing that will describe you. She looked at everything around her and whenever she attempted to explain it she would stutter. So her pen became her mouth and the ink inside became her voice. She wrote with grace and let her words flow knowing this was the only thing ever beautiful to her. When looked at she was nothing special and they passed over her. But when read they saw something hidden, something only the untouched can possess. Only those who took their precious time to read what she wrote for them would experience just a moment of individuality. Quickly they'd return to black and white while she tried to describe to them what color looked like. She continued to float through life, unable to decide where she wanted to land. Until one day she could no longer defy gravity, and she fell down onto reality. But somehow, it caught her and she was able to look around and see where she was. These people, the ones she hated and despised, had been waiting for her. With a quick glance back and a small step forward, i dreamed something desperate. No one has ever attempted to explain this, but simply, we are undefined. In many ways, we are all different in our dreams and desperate in our identities. With much regret but little sorrow, us 3 will dive into the unknown. We'll have something to present once we return, but until then, we're swimming through the black, peering into the darkness, and searching for the blue.

"I'm just a little lost and confused. I'll find my way, but the path always takes me a little deeper before my footsteps appear in the sand again."

"My relationship with my mom is crumbling. It's crumbling because of a simple misunderstanding, and i've lost you. You've forgotten me, the dreams I have and the morals i used to define myself with. I can promise myself this a phase, but to you it's a downward spiral. So i guess you'll watch me fall, while I simply see it as the last act of freedom I have. The only terrifying part is i'm not sure if you know me better than i know myself."
-Feb. 24th, 2010

My mom was coming home from the hospital that night, and my best friend and I wanted to make her room nice when she arrived. When you go through chemo you can't share things with anybody else, and germs from others are forbidden. We went to walmart and got cleaning supplies, and things for her room like pictures and and flowers because she would be spending most of her time there for the next 6 months. We were just about done shopping, but ended up in the pet section where we saw the fish tanks. Next thing we knew we were scoping out the .99 cent goldfish, picking the one we were most fond of. We finally found our prime candidate, Nemo.

How do you surprise a mom who’s done everything for you?
She makes your bed and cleans your clothes
and finds your missing shoe.
She picks you up and takes you there,
Piano lessons too.
Loves and cares for all her friends she’ll never let them down.
Her smile brightens all our lives,
It never wears a frown.

So here I am a fish named Nemo
To help you through your chemo.
When days seem dark I’ll be your light;
We’ll form the strength to fight.
I know you’re feeling all alone and no one understands,
But our Creator cares for us both,
He crafted us with his hands.
So don’t give up, I’ll be your friend,
We’ll look back and say we’ve won.
In this short season we’ll learn and grow,
The battle will be done.


"I don’t want to say that bad things happen to make you appreciate what you have, and may be taking for granted. I don’t want to say that, and I won’t.
But I kiss my mom every day, and tell her I love her. And while I won’t say that bad things happen to good people to make them appreciate what they have, I am appreciating more than ever what I’ve been given."
-Feb. 28th, 2010