"I felt like I was handing God a forest, and he was handing me a seed."

Lately, after asking people how they are doing, the common response seems to be 'tired' or 'so beat.' Everyone is worn out on life in some way or the other. Classes one after the other, homework up our behinds, it is a never ending stress cycle. I found myself caught in the center of this process, overwhelmed and frustrated with problems I couldn't fix. There were mistakes I had made and wanted to be rid of, I wanted to be forgiven. My friend Annie knew i was struggling, so we went for a walk to the swamp.

We walked back and I felt like I was carrying a thousand pounds on my back. I was in a haze and couldn't pay attention. Everything became a little clearer when I found myself surrounded by this beautiful scene. We walked next to a stone bridge above a pond, up a tiny path and down a dirt lane with trees spaced out evenly between each other, and on the other side of this path was a swamp. There were geese floating aimlessly across the water. Surprisingly enough, the path was deserted. I thought it would be crowded with people, but we had picked the time during the day where teams are usually practicing which explained why no one was there. I threw my bag on a lonely bench in between two of the trees, the only bench to be seen.
I began opening up to her about my past, and how I was fearful of the future. I wanted something greater than this; I needed to be stimulated in thought and mind but couldn't find the will to trust the Beholder of all truth. She asked me questions without telling me what I should do, giving her own experiences that related to mine. She was especially fond of analogies, but it was nice seeing things from a perspective I could imagine myself in. I told her I knew what God had for me was better than anything I could dream of for myself. I had always feared an outcome I couldn't predict, so I went the safer route and trusted my own instinct. Doing this all my life, I found myself stuck on a line between trusting God completely and returning to my old ways of life.
One of my favorite analogies that she used was an experience from her childhood of her first time in the ocean. She stood next to her dad holding onto his hand for dear life. Her brothers and sisters ran carelessly into the water, but the thought of being on her own in this vast ocean was unimaginable to her. Her dad told her to let go, that he was right there and wouldn't let anything happen to her. He kept telling her that she would have a better time if she just let go and trusted him. So she did, and when a large wave approached her she knew her dad was right there watching. If she got swept under he would be there in a second, she would hold on to him again. But eventually he would convince her to let go again.
This was beautiful to me. It illustrated the idea perfectly, and I imagined myself holding on to my dad's hand, scared to let go. We continued talking about my fear, and she thought back to how she felt when she gave her life to God two summers ago. She said she felt like she was handing him a forest and he was giving her back a seed. She was surrendering her entire life with little expectations for God to come through.
I related with this, and we talked about how different life would be in general if we all admired the little things. We went from the creation, to humanity, and back to the geese aimlessly flapping their wings in the swamp behind us. She told me how letting go was the best thing she could have ever done, and the peace she experienced after was overwhelming. She told me that she realized she wasn't handing over a forest, but rather, God was handing her a forest and she was giving him a seed.